She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
