So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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