Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
