you're like a bully in the Christmas story
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
