Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
