Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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