ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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