I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
