Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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