I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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