3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
