I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
