I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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