Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
