I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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