We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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