He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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