They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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