Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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