You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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