There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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