make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
