Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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