Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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