she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
did i just pee glitter
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
