Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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