I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
