please come you make the beer taste better
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize