if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His nipple licking is glorious
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