I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
