I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
