why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
