Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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