We're facebook friends in real life
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
