are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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