oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
