im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
