so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize