3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
