I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
