if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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