Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
