I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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