she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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