So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
