Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
