The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
