It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
