Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
