I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
