GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
