you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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