You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
