He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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