trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i out mim tonsoeep
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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