that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
