I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
