If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
