her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
