Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
