Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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