it wasn't lemon gatorade
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
