your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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