those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
