she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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