Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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