Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
