how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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