I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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