They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
