I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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