Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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