we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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