Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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