i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
