Three words: puerto rican gang bang
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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