My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
