why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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