If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
