I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
