Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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