he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize