i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize