i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
