you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
