So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
