he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
