i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
