Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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