I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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