We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last time i carry you out of a forest
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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