Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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