Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
