Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
