I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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