you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
