I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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