Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
