Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
