I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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