why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
