hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She has the best kind of daddy issues
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
