Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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