I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
