HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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