There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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