We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
